It was with a slight degree of trepidation that I decided I would join in this week's Gallery. The theme for the week is birth and I was going to take you through each of my birth experiences, one by one, in as much detail as my maternity notes would allow, you know, just like all those new mothers you overhear talking in Costa. But then again, a couple of weeks after the birth I find that the novelty of birth stories wears off, much like the pain of having a poo after a vaginal delivery!
However there are a couple of stories about each of mine that I could share which I hope will raise a smile, if not an eyebrow.
Birth 1: The Big One.
Midwife: Do you know what you are having?
Me after hours and hours of labour: Well from where I'm sitting it feels like a cow.
Birth 2: Princess
Me: I don't want a girl. I know how horrible I was as a child. I really don't want a girl.
Me, a few emotional hours later: I've changed my mind! I do want a girl!
Midwife: I'll see what I can do.
(And, no I haven't made a mistake and included the same photo twice!)
16.30 Me: My husband should be here by now.
16.40 Me through gritted teeth and mid-scream: Please can I have an epidural? Midwife: Noooo. You've got ages to go yet.
16.50 Me: Where is my F**K**G husband?
16.55 Husband arriving looking slightly flustered: It's okay darling. You can do it. You've done it twice before. Me: Not without an epi-f**k**g-dural I haven't.
16.58 The Wee One unexpectedly arrives. Midwife: Oh