iPlan

Well I've tried plan A, B, C, (need I go on?) ...G and H and now I'm at Plan I. Or to get with the technology, iPlan. Catchy huh?

This plan involves making loads of money in a very short time so I can retire from domestic servitude and join the ladies who lunch safe in the knowledge there is a cleaner at home polishing the melamine and a nanny entertaining the Wee One so he doesn't feel compelled to play with scissors or draw on walls.

Options:

• Win a game show. I know someone who has done this. She enjoyed the fun and thrill of the show, won a very nice cash prize but she hasn't retired on it. As much as this could help with a quick fix of cash and may provide a holiday, it is not going to enable me to lunch out every day for the rest of my life. It also requires a certain degree of intelligence which I may have once owned but has since been eroded by seven years of cbeebies. Mastermind. Specialist subject: Cbeebies 2004 to present.
• Invent something awesome like a Dyson or Micro scooter. Flaws in this plan include a lack of any engineering or design skills, lack of initial capital investment for research, testing and marketing, and, oh yes, an idea!
• Write a best-selling novel that is then made into a movie netting millions at the box office. That is Plan C and D and is still work in progress. I once had a boyfriend who was a script writer. He sold it to someone big in Hollywood. Had a few trips to LA on expenses and received a nice advance. That was the last anyone ever heard of his script.
• Become an actress. I understand that I would have to start off as an extra, or at least get into theater as something other than box office girl, but as a 5 year old girl I was told I should be on the stage and as a 16 year old I was advised (by parents who thought they knew better) to turn down the offer of Juliette as O Levels would be more valuable. So far, I have yet to see this theory pay out. Has a 43 year old mother of three ever made it as an actress? I could be the first!
• Become a fashion designer. Well I can sew. That's a start.

After considering these options, and as a woman, I am going to multitask.

The answer is right there.

Write a best-selling novel about a game show winning 43 year old mother of three who invests her winnings in a revolutionary new must-have dressmaking innovation, which is turned into a movie, in which I star, dressed in costumes designed by myself.

Obvious when you think about it. How can it fail?

How will you/did you make your fortune? I promise not to steal your idea ;)