Thursday 19 January 2012

Shopping Hell

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Why grocery shopping is bad for your health (particularly on a Thursday in Morrisons):

I am scarred both physically and mentally.

I was abused by an elderly *ahem* gentleman because I was standing in front of the porridge oats deciding whether to go 'quick and easy' or 'instant' at precisely the same time as he wanted to get his box of traditional oats. The corners of said box of traditional oats are quite pointy I have discovered, especially when forcibly dragged along your forearm.

My patience has been tested to the extreme by waiting to manoeuvre up the aisles while other shoppers carefully consider whether to buy tinned plum tomatoes or tinned other tomatoes. Ironic really because I can guarantee that when the tin is opened they will mash them up to add a bit of excitement to their fried mince and onions and call it bolognese thereby negating any discernible difference between plum or other tomatoes anyway.

I had to wrestle the Wee One into the trolley because he was convinced the aisles are there solely for the purpose of racing up and down, and other shoppers and their trolleys were merely obstacles to swerve around sometimes successfully and other times not. Cue grunts from elderly shoppers who did not appreciate the entertainment.

The layout of the shop is ridiculous. I had to repeatedly fight my way up and down aisles because things are in the wrong place. Who in their right mind would put oxo and eggs on the same aisle? These people are just crazy. Why would mince beef be miles away from any other form of dead cow? Why would you have squash in one aisle and then be required walk to the other end of the shop to find juice after reconsidering the childrens nutritional needs? Honestly! Really?

I am also slightly stressed because I have bought castor sugar instead of icing sugar, the wrong flavour of dog food, no crisps, no stir fry vegetables, no toilet paper and chicken that has a short use by date.


£100 poorer.
Bruised shins (The Wee One).
Scratched arm (Me).
Semi-stocked fridge.
Semi-stocked cupboard.
Consumption of 2/3 of a pack of custard creams to recover.
Feel fat. And sick.
Another shopping trip needed.

And I have no idea what we can have for dinner tonight!


  1. I'm afraid one of those dithering in front of the tinned tomatoes was me. The plums, you see, are cheaper, but squirm like peeled eyeballs when you fork them. And I am to blame for the forgotten loo roll because I was planted four-square in front of the display trying to compare the prices per perforated square. I love this post: came home from the supermarket £84 the poorer last week and with nothing whatever for supper.

  2. Frankly, you just get a better class of injury in Waitrose. All those elderly elbows leave their mark next to those of the toddler's. If you go to ASDA, you're lucky to come home with your toes and fingers intact. Even when I get a Sainsbury's MASSIVE delivery, there is generally only Parma Ham for dinner. Why is that? Well put, you. Wish you better!

  3. I smiled when I read this, for so many reasons. Once I had my toes ridden over by the trolley of an old man at the milk who decided it far better to cram his way past the front of me than to either go around or say "excuse me" - and it's them who say OUR generation are so rude!!!

  4. I feel like this every time I go shopping. I feel your pain matey.


Oooh, I do like a good comment :-)