Tuesday 10 July 2012

Terrible Twosday

 or How to drive your Mummy insane in 3 easy steps.

terrible twos

Step one (Night-time):

Wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Mummy, come on" like I've been keeping you waiting or something.
"Carry Me, carry me carry mecarrymeCARRYME!" etc.
Lie across the bed on between your parents using Mummy's head as a pillow and Daddy's head as a foot rest whilst dreaming about running a marathon.

Step Two (Morning):

Wake up late and in a bad mood, thus throwing the morning (finely tuned) routine out the window, into the rain, into the path of several fast moving vehicles who fail to stop and leave any attempt to revive the routine as likely as drying your washing outside this summer.
Insist that sweets for breakfast is perfectly acceptable and all young people should consider this as their diet of choice forever more.
Sabotage all creative crafty activities with wild sweeping movements of the arms and hands, defying previously accepted laws of nature relating to length of arms relative to age and body size, and deftly launching the (open) glitter pot ceiling-ward.

Step Three (Afternoon):

Build a tower with your sandwiches, expertly recreating the leaning tower of Pisa in the year 2045 (estimated) five seconds before it finally topples over.
Throw a tantrum in the library when it is suggested that Alien is an inappropriate film choice, by whipping all the DVDs off a shelf and then shuffling them as I fruitlessly attempt to return them to the shelf in alphabetical order.
Fall asleep precisely 5 minutes before tea-time.

Is it just me? Did I fail the terrible twos exam? What's been your worst terrible twos day?


  1. Sorry I'm laughing but your post is very funny. I could tell many very similar stories:) Great post:)


  2. Mercifully, we have a while yet until the terrible twos is upon us. I so enjoy reading about what we have in store! /sarcasm

    I probably shouldn't laugh, but I did :-)

  3. Amanda Jaggard10 July 2012 at 10:06

    I couldn't help but laugh at your post until realisation dawned on me. My little man is only 8 months old. I have all this to come!!! Aagghhh!
    *runs and hides until demanding baby yells for yet more food*

  4. Oh no! I'm so sorry! This is the first week without the linky too! Decided to go down the guest post route as Bob is being far too good at the moment. Great post! I can always post it as a guest post at a later date if you like? Sorry again for the bad timing! x

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  6. Girl, you are not alone. I think back to a time when my biggest was two - and my little one only months old - I'd spend my days feeling dizzy with tiredness and all I wanted was to shut myself in the broom cupboard for some peace and quiet. I can't remember exactly what happened one evening, but I recall the bedtime routine going horribly wrong and my defiant toddler decided it was an ideal time for a tantrum and made a bid to escape my, by now, hopeless grip. After some grappling and re-capturing of said child, I eventually resorted to strapping her into the reigns and onto the stair bannister. Problem solved. Toddler WILL stay where I want. The Mummy is the boss around here. Two is tricky. But it passes. My toddler is now approaching 10 and is a funny, interesting, articulate child who doesn't run away at bedtime (well, not much anyway). Only eight years to go for you!.... x

  7. Terrible twos are the worst, I just have a very angry two year old who acts more like a teenager! And thinks that hitting out at his friends will get him the toy he wants to be playing with!

  8. Hi I thought I'd got off lightly - hardly any terrible twos with my youngest at all - but now he's hit three... Oy oy OY! He recently called a house guest "Stinky" and told her he wanted her to leave! And as for my oldest (he's 19 now) he begged me very loudly not to put him in the washing machine (on a crowded bus), lay down in the middle of a busy road, shouted "PLEASE! PLEASE! WHY WON'T YOU FEED ME!" in the middle of a busy shopping centre, slipped my hand - activating an automatic door sensor and running through it only for the timer on the sensor to close the door as I was walking through thus trapping me (albeit briefly) then posted his snack into the VCR when we got home! That was the mother of all terrible two days! Xx


Oooh, I do like a good comment :-)