Monday 23 April 2012


Well I've tried plan A, B, C, (need I go on?) ...G and H and now I'm at Plan I. Or to get with the technology, iPlan. Catchy huh?

This plan involves making loads of money in a very short time so I can retire from domestic servitude and join the ladies who lunch safe in the knowledge there is a cleaner at home polishing the melamine and a nanny entertaining the Wee One so he doesn't feel compelled to play with scissors or draw on walls.

  • Win a game show. I know someone who has done this. She enjoyed the fun and thrill of the show, won a very nice cash prize but she hasn't retired on it. As much as this could help with a quick fix of cash and may provide a holiday, it is not going to enable me to lunch out every day for the rest of my life. It also requires a certain degree of intelligence which I may have once owned but has since been eroded by seven years of cbeebies. Mastermind. Specialist subject: Cbeebies 2004 to present.
  • Invent something awesome like a Dyson or Micro scooter. Flaws in this plan include a lack of any engineering or design skills, lack of initial capital investment for research, testing and marketing, and, oh yes, an idea!
  • Write a best-selling novel that is then made into a movie netting millions at the box office. That is Plan C and D and is still work in progress. I once had a boyfriend who was a script writer. He sold it to someone big in Hollywood. Had a few trips to LA on expenses and received a nice advance. That was the last anyone ever heard of his script.
  • Become an actress. I understand that I would have to start off as an extra, or at least get into theater as something other than box office girl, but as a 5 year old girl I was told I should be on the stage and as a 16 year old I was advised (by parents who thought they knew better) to turn down the offer of Juliette as O Levels would be more valuable. So far, I have yet to see this theory pay out. Has a 43 year old mother of three ever made it as an actress? I could be the first!
  • Become a fashion designer. Well I can sew. That's a start.

After considering these options, and as a woman, I am going to multitask.

The answer is right there.

Write a best-selling novel about a game show winning 43 year old mother of three who invests her winnings in a revolutionary new must-have dressmaking innovation, which is turned into a movie, in which I star, dressed in costumes designed by myself.

Obvious when you think about it. How can it fail?

How will you/did you make your fortune? I promise not to steal your idea ;)


  1. When I find the time I'm going to write a novel too a big blockbusting novel that will be translated into every language on the planet that Angelina Jolie will want to star in but guess what? She's too old or too much botox - not sure yet.
    When I get there, I'll call you up for lunch yeah?

    1. Too much botox definitely!
      Lunch - It's a date!

  2. I often have such ideas too! It would be lovely wouldn't it! Maybe you should just launch 'iplan' as an organisational app or tool as it sounds very impressive!

  3. Ah you get funnier and funnier! I would buy it and go see it! Not sure I'd buy your dress designs though - sorry, but I'm a bit worried I might end up looking like a reindeer made out of an old sock ;)
    My plan? Slog my guts out at something that often feels like work but pays about £50 a month (oh no scrap that, since the Google no-follow debacle I now can't earn a penny.)
    Right, back to plan A then. What was that again.....?


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